Writing Challenge: Cracker Jacks


Challenges are challenges. Brain teasers are healthy. I know this because a few short months ago I started in on this blogging deal. I improved daily, came out of my shell, so to speak, and began writing more and more each day. Now, I can’t seem to stop! I used to be a rather prolific writer, but I let that sort of fall to the way side because it was a convenient excuse for being lazy. In my case, it was using my noggin or rather Not using my noggin! WordPress, internet blogging and publishing  service,  helped set me straight. It wasn’t just a case of — I slipped on a banana peel and have chosen not to use my noggin.– It was a tad bit more serious. It was more like, — I was on a swing, slipped on two banana peels and landed on a pile of stones.– I landed the wrong way. It wasn’t such a lot of fun, to say the very least. I guess the upside of the fall were, well, there weren’t a lot of those, but, I didn’t have to have to have an operation. I suppose another upside was that there could have been many more downsides! You gotta be a glass half-full kinda guy in this biz; the living biz.  Some people don’t even wind up with a half-full deal. Unfortunately, some people slip and don’t bounce back up. It kinda reminds me of those goofy kiddy clowns, weighted at the bottom. The little clowns you punch at until you are silly. Those plastic clowns would keep on getting hit and bounce right back up again and again! Now, your average adult quickly learns the clown/fall bing-bang principle continuum; but kids, it takes them a bit longer. I never really did like clowns. Maybe, I had a clown/fall principle stigma. I’m sure Freud would have something to say about all that.

“Ahh, it is most certainly a case of ‘coulrophobia’: A fear of clowns! It can be cured simply. Admit your fear. Face your fear. It is a fear based in intellectual sloth, a neurological disorder. Heart palpitations? Anxiety? It is very real indeed. A study by my colleague Wim De Weys.  His findings, have all the answers. Just send ten American dollars to this Swiss bank account…

–(Docs stick together like tar, the Hypocritical Oath)–

Me? I never really liked clowns. They just have this “In your face!” sorta je ne sais quoi about them. It isn’t really a fear or hatred, but a mere dislike of them, a strong dislike. I have this feeling that the best way to conquer your fears (and I don’t mean to make this into a Psych 101 lesson), is to stare them in the face. Staring a clown in the face? I don’t think I could do that for 2 seconds without laughing my ass off. Now, that would be a challenge! Okay, it wouldn’t be anything like a writing challenge, which this “blog” be about but what the hell. Can you imagine getting a pal or two, going down to the local liquor store, picking up some beers then heading down to your local clown college? Say, “Okay, give me your best clown! Hit me! My pal and I are up for a “Laugh off Challenge!” Who knows, maybe there is even have a “Two-for-One” special on laugh offs  (it wouldn’t hurt to ask). After all, they are in the clown biz, eh? I can see it in Neon lights, in newspapers: “Here Come the Clowns,” or “Middle-Aged men go berserk at clown college: Bystanders beware!” My pal and I all dressed in our finest clown suits with pictures of us at the local college of clowns. “Beware Of Bachelor Clowns” Our little contest, maybe crack open a couple of beers and stare at a clown and see who laughs first. Maybe, we’d get two different clowns and time the laugh/clown ratio. Personally, I think that I would prefer the single clown/suds deal would be your best bet. Hmm, that could even make it more interesting; a little gambling on the side. You probably have to worry about breaking any laws, there probably aren’t any laws against clown gambling, yet. But, then again, maybe you might not need to make it more interesting. After all, there isn’t anything more “interesting” or ridiculous or plain old stupid than a few grown nit wits getting together to laugh one another till they wet their pants. That is about as “interesting” as it gets. Things in Rockport are slow, lately. But, you gotta admit that the Stooges would be proud. Their legacy! There would be a revival of Vaudeville and slapstick, and Stooges trivia everywhere across the land: Larry, Moe, Curly, and Shemp’s boisterous and hilarious laugh:  “nyuuuuuukkk, nyuuuuuukkk, nyuuuuuukk, and–Soitanly boy’z, dya’ know boyz? A laugh a day ‘ll keep the doc away!

Make sure you line up your designated driver before going out or you’ll just wind up as a few drunken nit witted clowns roaming the streets in a soggy box of Krackerjacks sanz prize.

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