Scribbners’ relations from mexico to maine


Subject: I suppose it i

2:28 PM on 9/3/2013

I suppose it is all relative. Mexico, Mexico, or Mexico Maine? There’s China Maine, and Paris Maine and Poland Maine and Norway…. a very unimaginative bunch, those Mainers. I lived there for seven years, so I feel I have paid my dues and can be (in theory) superior, plus I have all of my own teeth. That’s my ultimate goal in life, to die with all of my own (baby through adult, just to clarify) choppers. I am Leah, Lady Leah I prefer it. Where is your family from? Are the folks still around? Mine are in Penntucky, no coal miners, they make cigars. I really think smoking is a horrid habit, but I will light up a Cuban when I return to the hollers, actually Dominicans are much better, it’s the prohibition of the Cubans that makes them alluring. Either way, your mouth will end up tasting exactly like the bottom of a birdcage. For days, birdcage breath. How attractive is that? It’s the garlic and onion rule, if one person eats it, the other must as well…-+-=+, neither can smell it , nor will they mind. Right? So you talk on the phone a lot?That thing will give you brain cancer! Really, I read it on the internet, and everything on the internet is true you know

Yes, relative. That is especially true in places like…uh…Maine, West VA, Maine, VT, down with the Kentucks and a whole lot of them inbred, but they don’t make nothing but moonshine and babies, those Hatfields and McCoys. As fer a Good Cuban…well, yes, they are about the same in taste as Dominicans and the price is much different. I tink maybe mahn, yu mite be betta off headin’ Jamica way and gttin some fine Rum and a little gahnjah might not be doin ya any hahm—Oh, the phone, yes, a guy at the local sub shop, he has M.S., he said that he caught it from the internet!  I told him that I didn’t believe that. He said, “I’m just kidding, but I did get an STD there!” And then, and there was this woman, this woman who wore a Fez with black tassels, really! She said, OMG, well, she typed “OMG.” She said her name was Roadarella because her daughter, Anna, accuses her of dumpster diving (probably not without good cause). I think her name is Sheila, she goes by Leah. It probably makes her feel all warm and fuzzy inside—I’ll amuse her. Leah travels around in clown cars thoughout New England. I don’t know what that is all about, but it does sound kinda fun. I mean you get your popcorn, jelley beans and cotton candy. I even think she has a moose! What would Jerry Springer say about that? No, I meant Jerry Seinfeld. Oh, my parents? They are still alive and kicking. Mom and Dad went to Maine this weekend to pick up some antiques; Mom is an antique sales person? She had a shop of her own but is kinda out of that now. She travels to do shows (No, not like a poodle!), but she goes to the Cape and … Dad? He is the brains behind it all. He sells books on the internet, seriously. After all, I wouldn’t say it if it weren’t true. The internet. He is retired Navy. Penntucky? Is that an inbred version of Pennsylvania and Kentcky and maybe Tennessee? But you said you are no relation to Lorretta Lynn. You aren’t a coal miner’s daughter. By the way, do you want a couple of parakeets? Nice snuggling parakeets? They come for a very good price. They are free. And they’d come with a handsome cage. Well, I have gotta get this off to dis New England mam before she goes skating off to the Dominicans. She says that she is off to Derry, but I know she puts on her shades, jumps in her clown car for a long winter’s nap. She probably has some chauffeur by the name of Elroy taking her down to the islands.

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